Rest In Peace, Tatay. You will be missed.

My tatay passed away yesterday morning.

We discovered he has cancer early last year. It was a stage 1 cancer in which he underwent treatments.
It was a battle he was prepared to fight. It was a battle we were all prepared to fight. He had such a jolly personality and such an optimistic outlook on life that I knew he would be able to make it.

Then came the deep vein thrombosis last November 15 which weakened him and got him bed ridden. He lost his appetite and his body became weak that he wasn’t able to make it to his cancer treatments.

We knew the inevitable was coming as he was constantly in and out of the hospital. My brother was the one who would always take care of him because he was the doctor in the family and he works at the hospital where he’s usuially confined. My sister and I would sometimes relieve him but we were always together when we do because it was something we don’t really have the strength to go through alone. I don’t like seeing my tatay that way because I grew up seeing him as a jolly, positive person. Always energetic, smiling, joking, and laughing. He had a big appetite too — something I got from him. Seeing him having difficulty in eating broke my heart. His kidneys started failing and his digestive system stopped working.

Sunday night, he was transferred from San Lorenzo Women’s Hospital to Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center because his creatinine was really high and he had trouble breathing. We were scheduled to relieve my brother monday morning but he called us to go with him to JRMMC. We were there at 12am. I told sis that Tatay already had glazed eyes that night. He would constantly pull on his oxygen mask and his feeding tube. He said he already wanted to die.

Around 9:30am in the morning, he told me and the nurse na “nagdidilim ang paningin ko.” I went to his line of vision and asked him if he can see me. He nodded and said yes. Then he said “Ayoko ng ganitong kondisyon“. The nurse misunderstood and thought he said he didn’t like his position because he was lying in a crooked position at the time. She called another nurse to help her straightened him out. That’s when he had a seizure and was gone in seconds.

We knew it was coming. I wanted it to come because it was heartbreaking to see him suffering. But when it came, I was not prepared. I guess, it’s something you can never really prepare for.  It was nice to think that he wanted for us siblings to be there when he passed.

Some people would say that it’s a terrible start of the year for us but I am looking at it on a positive note just as my tatay would.  It was nice to think that he wanted to celebrate all the special occasions with us: my birthday and kuya’s birthday in December, Christmas Day, and New Year, before passing.

I am now feeling that sense of loss. I feel like a piece of my heart is now missing.

But I am happy that Tatay’s suffering has ended and he is already with Our Creator.

Goodbye Tatay. Rest in Peace. You will definitely be missed. We love you.

To relatives and friends who wants to visit my tatay Guido Valderrama, his remains is at Floresco Funeral Homes A. Mabini, Caloocan. Wake is until January 6, 2016.