You know how they say you’ll never fully appreciate your parents until you’re older? Yeah, I get it now. Looking back, there’s a whole bunch of stuff my mom never told me—things that probably would’ve saved me some time, confusion, and a fair share of awkward moments. But, honestly, I get it. She didn’t have to tell me everything. Maybe it was something I was supposed to figure out on my own, or maybe she figured I’d just ask eventually. But here we are, and I’m realizing there are a lot of things I wish I’d known a little sooner.
1. Life Isn’t Always Fair, and That’s Okay
You know how when you’re a kid, you think everything should be fair? The person who cut you in line at the ice cream truck should totally get their comeuppance, right? Well, surprise! As an adult, I’ve learned that life’s not really about fairness—it’s more about adaptability and how you roll with the punches. My mom always said, “Life’s tough, kid, deal with it,” but she never went into detail about how those “tough” moments would look, or how to handle them. I had to learn the hard way, with the first job that didn’t pay enough, the first friendship that fizzled out, and the first real “life lesson” moment.
2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Growing up, there was always that one perfect cousin, the one with the high grades, the cute boyfriend, and the seemingly perfect life. My mom never really sat me down and explained how easy it is to get caught up in that comparison game—and how damaging it can be. I wish she’d told me: “Hey, it’s totally fine if your life doesn’t look like everyone else’s. Your path is yours and theirs is theirs.” But instead, I spent way too many years trying to measure up. The thing is, we all move at our own pace, and that’s something I had to discover on my own.
3. “No” Is a Complete Sentence
Somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that I had to explain myself every time I said “no.” Like, if I wasn’t doing something for someone, I had to justify why. But my mom never gave me the real tools to know that saying “no” is actually one of the most empowering things you can do. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you don’t have to feel guilty for setting boundaries. I wish she had told me that earlier because there were definitely times I pushed myself too hard trying to please others when I should’ve just said “no, thanks.”
4. The Importance of Being Alone
I spent so many years thinking that being alone meant something was wrong with me—like, I wasn’t enough or wasn’t lovable. But my mom never told me how important it is to enjoy your own company and recharge solo. That “me time” isn’t just for vacations or rare moments of solitude; it’s essential for mental health. I spent way too long in unhealthy relationships and social situations just because I didn’t know how to be okay with being by myself. Turns out, some of my best moments of growth and peace came from simply learning how to be alone and liking it.
5. You’re Gonna Make Mistakes, and That’s Actually Okay
I don’t think I ever got a formal sit-down about failure. I mean, sure, my mom would cheer me on in everything I did, but she never really warned me about how much I would fail in life—and that failing doesn’t mean the end of the road. It’s more like a detour. Mistakes? Oh, they’re inevitable. And honestly, they’re part of what makes life interesting. I wish I’d known that sooner because I spent way too much time beating myself up over small things that, in hindsight, weren’t even a big deal.
6. The Secret to Adulting: Just Pretend You Know What You’re Doing
I swear, one of the biggest shockers about adulthood was realizing that no one knows what they’re doing. I remember thinking that by the time I hit 40, I would have everything figured out. But surprise, I’m still winging it just like everyone else. If my mom had just told me, “No one has it all together; they’re just good at pretending,” maybe I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself. There’s no manual for adulting, and half the time, people are just figuring it out as they go along.
7. It’s Okay to Let Go of Toxic Relationships
This one is tricky. My mom never directly told me to cut ties with toxic people, but I sure wish she had. I had to learn the hard way that sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, they’re just not good for you. Maybe it’s a friendship that drains you or a relationship that holds you back. It took me a while to realize that you don’t have to keep people in your life just because of shared history or feelings of guilt. It’s okay to walk away from what no longer serves you.
8. You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers Right Away
I think I grew up thinking that once I hit adulthood, I was supposed to have everything figured out. But life isn’t that simple. You don’t need to know exactly where you’re going or what your next step is. Some of the best moments of my life have come from just taking it one day at a time and allowing myself to be uncertain. I just wish my mom had told me, “Don’t stress. You’ll figure it out when the time comes.”
The Bottom Line?
What my mom never told me (and what I forgot to ask) are the little things that can actually have the biggest impact. I guess part of it is that she didn’t want to shelter me from life’s messiness; she wanted me to experience it, grow from it, and learn in my own way. As much as I’d love a “how to survive adulthood” manual, I realize that the struggle is part of the process. And maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
